Confusing Chinese Names

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)? Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)! Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent. Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital. Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller : You are so rude! Who are you? Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry). Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!  ======================================================   This is hilarious... Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names: Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin) Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin) Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin) Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien) Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien) Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien) Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin) Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien) Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin) Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien) Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin) Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin) Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin) Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien) Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese) Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien) Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien) Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien) Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese) Pass around for some laughter .

TEN BEST CADDY REMARKS

#10
    Golfer: "Think  I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
    Caddy: "Think you  can keep your head down that long?"

#9
    Golfer: "I'd move heaven  and earth to break 100 on this course."
    Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

    #8    Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
    Caddy: "Yes , you miss the ball much closer now."
     
    #7
    Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
    Caddy: "Eventually."
     
    #6
    Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
    Caddy: "I don't think so . That would be too much of a Coincidence."
     
    #5
    Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction"
    Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
   
    #4
    Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
    Caddy: "Very good , but personally, I prefer golf."
   
    #3
    Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
    Caddy: "The way you play,  it's a sin on any day."
   
    #2
    Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
    Caddy: "This isn't the golf course.  We left that an hour ago."
     
    #1 Best Caddy Comment:
    Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
    Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.."
   
    And the old favorite.....

    The Golfer has been slicing off the tee at every hole.
    He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy if he has seen any obvious problems.

   The caddy replies: "There's a piece of shit on the end of your club ".
    The Golfer picks his club up and cleans the club face at which point the caddy says:
     "No, the other end!"

An excellent article on the state of affairs in Malaysia

The missing plane and our Mulla Nasrudins - http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/opinion/article/the-missing-plane-and-our-mulla-nasrudins

Malaysia has everything going for it ...

But we have elected politicians to ruin it. If only there are politicians in the ruling coalition who can empathise with the poor fellow countrymen and women who are of Indian and Chinese origins -

An excellent write-up, "A Malay’s perspective on Hindraf’s plight by Firdaus Alam can be found here: 

Ravindran's thoughts 20140223

If each of us were to take a small step and influence another individual positively,  in no time,  the world will be a better place. Wouldn't it?

Thanks for sharing, Ravi

CAN HUMANITY LIVE??

ANGER hurts

Hunger KILLS

EGO spoils

Hatred BURNS

JEALOUSY scars

Selfishness INJURES

GREED wastes

Power CORRUPTS

HOSTILITY  breaks

Curse WEAKENS

Let's MOVE AWAY

Let's LOVE all n CARE all!

WAY FORWARD!

Translation that went really wrong (or should we say, kinky?)

A great friend, Albert, sent me this. What a laugh:

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel.  It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic

noise since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederats(...pedestrians).

Bed :
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:  When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

Age - A good laugh

A good friend sent me this. Had a good laugh, and am happy to share

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY 
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. 

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. 

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL.

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED 

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, BASTARD ASKED..

"WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???"