Age - A good laugh

A good friend sent me this. Had a good laugh, and am happy to share

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY 
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. 

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. 

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL.

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED 

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, BASTARD ASKED..

"WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???"

Using mobile phone in a public place

I just love this.

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and

closed her eyes. 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next
to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a
loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train"

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty,
but I had a long meeting".

"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office.
It was with the boss".

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the young woman sitting next to him had enough,
she leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, hang up the
phone and come back to bed." 

Who is the BOSS

The Boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign that read:

"I'm the Boss!"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: -

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Lies interpreted at various levels

 A friend sent me this. How plausible...

Telling a lie is a

Sin for a child..

Fault for an adult.

An art for a lover.

A profession for a lawyer.

A requirement for a politician.

A Management tool for a Boss.

An accomplishment for a bachelor.

An excuse for a subordinate and..........

A Matter of Survival for a married man.

Road Signs that are Country Specific

English Language - Plurals

Have not updated this blog for a while. Apologies for those who had been checking in. Received the following via email and think it is worth sharing via this blog:

The English Plural According To ....

 

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

 

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ?

Then one may be that, & three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother & also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim !

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England . 

We take English  for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square;
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ? 

Doesn't it seem crazy that ...
you can make amends but not one amend ?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends ...
and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it ? 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat ?

Sometimes I think all people who speak English
Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play,
and play at a recital ? 

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ...
We have noses that run & feet that smell;
We park in a driveway & drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man & a wise guy are opposites ?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

in which your house can burn up as it burns down;

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,

& in which an alarm goes off by going on. 

And in closing ....
If Father is Pop ....how come Mother's not Mop ? ? ?

We live life Just Once

Don't know where this came from. Received via email from a friend. Indeed, we should take chances to make this world a better place.

"LIFE is just ONCE!"

Take Chances!

Tell The Truth!

Learn To Say No!

Spend Your Money On The Things You Love!

Get To Know Someone Random!

Say I Love You To Someone In Life!

Feel The True Love!

Tell The Idiot How He/She Hurts You!

Abuse Someone Who Deserves It!

Sit Alone, Watch The Rain 'n Cry!

Laugh Till Your Stomach Pains!

Dance Even If You Are Too Bad At It!

Pose Stupidly For Photos!

Give Someone A Hug When They Need It

'n Make Sure You Get one When You Do!

Be Naughty Like Child.

Live It, Love It!

Because, "LIFE is just ONCE!"